By John Seiler

Who said California is running behind other states in creativity and innovation?

The following story seems to come from The Onion. But it’s from ABC News:

“Four female correction officers were impregnated by the reported leader of a Maryland prison gang, which used a network of female prison guards to help launder money, run drugs and smuggle contraband into state detention facilities, according to a federal indictment.

“One of the guards was twice impregnated by Tavon White, identified in court papers as the alleged leader of the Black Guerilla Family….

“The Black Guerilla Family began in California in the 1960s but has since spread across the country. Gang members first appeared in Maryland prisons in the 1990s….

“The indictment portrays a prison system run by inmates, including members of the Black Guerilla Family gang.

“‘This is my jail,’ White, who is awaiting trial for attempted murder, bragged on a tapped phone call from the Baltimore City Detention Center. ‘I make every final call in this jail.'”

By John Seiler

Leave it to The Onion to point out something interesting. For the past week, the Chicago schools system has solved its endemic school-violence problem:

CHICAGO—Jubilant Chicago Public Schools officials announced Friday that, for five straight days now, there has not been a single act of student violence in any of the city’s 675 public schools. “Our classrooms and hallways are safer now than they’ve ever been,” said CPS chief executive Jean-Claude Brizard, happily noting that there have been no reported instances of beatings, stabbings, sexual assaults, or shootings in any of the city’s public schools this week. “We’ve had no incidents of weapons being brought onto school property, nor has anyone had to break up a fistfight between students. We’ve all had to work together for this, but it’s paid off. Let’s keep it up!” At press time, a gunfight on Chicago’s South Side had reportedly claimed the lives of three 16-year-old boys.

It’s a joke, of course. There’s no violence in the schools because greedy teachers have been on strike. No teachers, no school, no violence.

Chicago should keep its no-school-violence record intact by just canceling the whole school year. Anyway, the kids will learn more at home — or on the streets.

California should do likewise. Control school violence. Cancel government schools.