Republicans ♥ Arnold
He’s abused them. He’s abandoned them. He’s not been faithful to them. He’s been so bad they’re chugging Valium like M&Ms. But they still love the big lug.
I’m talking about Republicans and Arnold. Check out the “Official Voter Information Guide” you got in the mail. Here’s what it says under “POLITICAL PARTY STATEMENTS OF PURPOSE” under “Republican Party,” with my comments in brackets:
Republicans are proud of the leadership provided to our state by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger [♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥] and we are boldly confident about California’s future and hold dearly all that is good about California’s people.
This is an exciting time for our party [especially for those of us Arnold chased out of California], filled with unprecedented opportunity [to leave] and unequaled enthusiasm [to make money in some other, low-tax state]. Republicans around the Golden State are rallying together to celebrate our common values of economic prosperity [destroyed by Arnold’s AB32], cutting taxes [which Arnold raised] and government waste [which Arnold increased exponentially], and a return to educational superiority [after seven years of Arnold, we’re 49th of 50 states on tests]. We look forward to working with you [if you haven’t left yet] to restore America’s principles and renew America’s promise.
The Republican Party [now that Arnold must retire] represents your best chance to ensure freedom and opportunity for every Californian and with your help, we can have confident, practical and accountable leadership in both Sacramento and Washington, D.C. [and whatever other state or foreign country you end up].
Electing Republican candidates will help ensure schools that are safe and accountable; hold the line on taxes [unlike Arnold]; and keep growing California’s economy [which Arnold destroyed]. Join us in helping build a better California that provides opportunity for our families today, and for future generations [assuming, after Arnold destroyed it, anybody still is living here].
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