The Tweet Before Christmas

Wayne Lusvardi:

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

‘Twas the tweet before Christmas that was looking for a nugget,
For a Governor-elect to invent a balanced budget,
Balance it high or balance it low,
Either way would work as long as the people didn’t know.

Would it be cuts or taxes or a combination of both?
The one thing that couldn’t be counted on was economic growth.
All of a sudden there was such a digital clatter,
A budget cliche was born from a PPIC opinion poll spin-the-platter.

“Cut services or raise taxes” was tweeted as the new governor’s choice,
Like “Enron caused the energy crisis” said in an authoritative voice,
Who would know the difference?
That it was a false choice of altiloquence (lofty, pompous speech).

Came Boehner, Came Palin, Came every reindeer but Nixon,
To put a political fix on,
Together with Boeher’s Gang of Seven elves,
They put a bailout of California on the shelves.

Now the Governor tweeted a keystroke,
We’ll tell them Worker’s Comp and Medi-Cal are broke,
Not mention that Stem Cell Research is $3 billion full of cash,
Nor call for it being slashed.

Five water bonds voted for in the Christmases past.
But not a drop of water was webcast,
Farm laborers in the Central Valley suffered an adjudicated drought,
Based on environmental science even the judge said was in doubt.

Nineteen coastal power plants have to stop using the ocean for cooling,
and install huge refrigerators costing billions, no fooling,
To save 57 sea lions per year,
While 1,500 DUI fatalities on Route101 are rising without Christmas cheer,
We won’t tell them the environmental ruse,
Is to raise the cost of power so that green energy doesn’t blow a fuse.

Public schools want a local parcel tax for a Christmas gift,
To plug an anticipated state budget short shrift,
But the LAO said the public schools had been bad,
Because they didn’t tell the voters they had been had,
Another round of cuts would only cut fluff,
But the media won’t call their bluff.

Liberals say “tax the rich,”
Conservatives use the “overtaxed” sales pitch,
Both blind to the state giving too many luxury Christmas gifts,
While it is broke and the taxpayers are working night shifts.
As UIB, Worker’s Comp and Medi-Cal funds are insolvent,
Environmentalists, green power and stem cell researchers want their emoluments.

It’s not the supermajority vote that makes California dysfunctional,
But the growth of luxury goods and services exponential.
The only way to balance a budget with luxuries untouchable,
is to raise taxes to balance the budget high imperceptible.

To fix California’s budget deficits
Politicos are going to have to quit giving the wealthy luxury gifts,
While charging the credit card for food, medicine and housing,
How long before the taxpayers and needy join in rousing?

This Christmas the problem isn’t Scrooge,
But all those untouchable luxury public goods and services huge,
That never get reported even in a Tweet,
When all you have to do is hit “delete.”

DEC. 20

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