Thanksgiving For Dummies

Anthony Pignataro:

Well, it’s that time again: the time when fire departments across our great nation respond to 1,300 fires caused by out of control cooking, as opposed to the 420 such fires they usually deal with every day.

That’s right, it’s Thanksgiving, and once again, the good people at the National Fire Protection Association are here to remind us that many, many of you simply aren’t up to the task of putting food on your family. “These culinary activities bring an increased risk of fire particularly when people are trying to prepare several dishes while entertaining friends and family,” NFPA spokesperson Lorraine Carli said in this press release (the release is dated Nov. 9, but I found out about it today from a Tweet from @CPF, the California Professional Firefighters union).

Apparently, we’re stupid, which helps explain the inanity of some of the “tips” NFPA is urging that we all follow while preparing our holiday feasts:

“Be on alert! If you are sleepy or have consumed alcohol, don’t use the stove or stovetop.”

“Stay in the kitchen while you are frying, grilling, or broiling food. If you leave the kitchen for even a short period of time, turn off the stove.”

“If you are simmering, baking, roasting, or boiling food, check it regularly, remain in the home while food is cooking, and use a timer to remind you that you are cooking.”

Use a timer to remind you that you are cooking. I can’t imagine a mere mortal has ever uttered more helpful words. But then again, this advice comes to us not from some regular person, but from the NFPA, which since 1896 has been reducing “the worldwide burden of fire and other hazards on the quality of life.”

NOV. 23, 2010