Gov. Jerry Brown Resigns

Gov. Jerry Brown Resigns

APRIL 1, 2012

By JOHN SEILER

SACRAMENTO — Declaring California “ungovernable,” Gov Jerry Brown today resigned from office. “My father built the California water system, the university system and the schools system, and I can’t even get a measly tax increase to pay for High-Speed Rail,” he said. He was referring to his late father, Pat Brown, governor of the state in the early 1960s.

“In my State of the State Address back in January, I said the California Dream was still alive. I said, ‘We have the inventors, the dreamers, the entrepreneurs, the venture capitalists and a vast array of physical, intellectual and political assets.’ But let’s face it, all those people left for Texas.”

Brown again drew on his classical Latin eruditon, which he received from the Jesuits. “I once warned of an imminent ‘bellum omnium contra omnes.’ Well, folks, it’s here.”

The Latin phrase translates to “war of all against all.” It was first used by Thomas Hobbes in his book, “Leviathan,” referring to a condition in which a chaos exists because of the lack of a strong leader to impose order.

“I’ve tried so hard to make things better in this state, but they just keep getting worse,” Brown continued. “The Republicans block every decent tax-increase proposal I put forward. The Democrats keep squabbling about everything. I gave everything to the teachers’ unions, but they still want more, even as student achievement keeps dropping.

“I’m through. Gone. Outta here. Goodbye. Adios. Hasta la vista, baby.”

Commentators speculate that the last phrase might be a cryptic reference to former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who made it a catch phrase in his movie, “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”

In his farewell speech, Brown complained, “Even the Terminator couldn’t fix this state. What could I do?”

The Brown resignation catapulted Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom, the former mayor of San Francisco, into the governor’s chair. Newsom held a press conference and announced, “In this time of troubles, we Californians have come together. The California Dream still is alive in my heart, and I’m sure in yours. We can pull together to create jobs, boost our economy, improve education and get California moving again.” Here’s an excerpt from his speech:

Former Gov. Brown was cornered by reporters at LAX boarding a private jet. When asked where he was going, he replied. “Where else? Texas.”

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(Oh, and have a happy April Fools’ Day.)

 

 

 

 

10 comments

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  1. David H
    David H 1 April, 2012, 13:22

    “The Brown resignation catapulted Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom, the former mayor of San Francisco, into the governor’s chair. Newsom held a press conference and announced… It’s going to happen. Whether you like it or not.””

    The perfect April fools.

    Reply this comment
  2. Beelzebub
    Beelzebub 1 April, 2012, 13:33

    That’s the second time I’ve been screwed with today.

    The wife woke me up this morning and told me that the swat cops were at the front door asking for me. She made me put my clothes on and walk to the doorway before she pulled that ‘April Fool’s’ crap on me.

    I had to take an extra kava kava pill just to calm down.

    Reply this comment
  3. Rex The Wonder Dog!
    Rex The Wonder Dog! 1 April, 2012, 13:36

    🙂

    Reply this comment
  4. Bob Morris
    Bob Morris 1 April, 2012, 13:42

    Too close to reality!

    Reply this comment
  5. queeg
    queeg 1 April, 2012, 19:47

    remotely funny…the NOOSE ain’t your friend!!!!

    Reply this comment
  6. Bob
    Bob 2 April, 2012, 08:29

    Not only won’t the old buzzard resign, Geriatric Brown will win re-election in a landslide and live forever.

    The brainwashed Colliefornia (as Ahnode sez) voters will have it no other way.

    And when the old goat is termed out the idiots will elect Newsome, Perez or Steinberg.

    Reply this comment
  7. queeg
    queeg 2 April, 2012, 09:18

    DO not forget Comrade Harris…..

    Reply this comment
  8. YJ Draiman for Mayor of LA
    YJ Draiman for Mayor of LA 3 April, 2012, 01:13

    Los Angeles Economic Development – YJ Draiman

    It is time to remake Los Angeles in the image of our boldest vision – a city of healthy communities with good schools and quality education, innovative companies in new and emerging sectors, quality open space, improved public transportation, a range of mobility and housing options; and above all, a prosperous and productive middle class equipped with the skills and education to create a better future.

    It is time to get serious about designing a real economic development program linked to investments in healthy communities. I recently proposed to make Los Angeles the World Capital of Renewable Energy, Energy and Water Efficiency. We have the climate, the manpower, the resources and technology. We must promote energy and water efficiency in all sectors of LA’s economy. This by itself can save the city billions and bring many jobs and economic growth into Los Angeles. We should promote real estate gentrification, affordable housing, urban infill building, economic development and clean tech sorted through the parts of redevelopment worth retaining and retooling combined with some newer elements of economic development necessary to realize this vision of healthy communities.

    In the past five years many businesses in LA have closed down or moved out. There are many vacant properties (commercial and residential). Many people have moved out of LA. They can not afford the cost of living, the high taxation, the stifling bureaucracy and varied rules and regulations that choke business development.

    We have a dysfunctional leadership in Los Angeles, an inefficient workforce, a demand for entitlement, and crippling budget deficits that are creating an environment of uncertainty for many companies who want to hire people, but are afraid to do so. Capital is stagnant and unattainable, frozen by an over swing of regulation and bureaucracy. We want to get Los Angeles working again, yet many of our wounds are self inflicted, as LA bureaucrats go to work every day piling more regulations and taxes onto the very businesses we ask to grow and create more jobs. This situation must change, or we are doomed.

    It is imperative that we reverse this trend.

    YJ Draiman

    http://www.yjdraimanformayor.com

    Reply this comment
  9. Beelzebub
    Beelzebub 3 April, 2012, 09:56

    Mr. Draiman, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the City of LA is a lost cause. It’s done. You’ve been invaded by our neighbors to the south and you are now an occupied city. Your schools stink, about half of your occupants are working under the table paying no employment taxes, it is not safe to leave your homes at night in about 60% of your city’s neighborhoods. However idealistic your intentions are you will NEVER be able to turn that around. I would be willing to bet that well over half of your retired pension liabilities have already fled the city. The circle is closed, Mr. Draiman. It will be a cold day in hell when you or anyone else reverses the trend. Let’s all be honest with one another, eh?

    Reply this comment
  10. queeg
    queeg 3 April, 2012, 09:57

    lets not get giddy and boy scoutish…LA is a hopeless decaying morass….only fools economically dabble, live, work in LA without a near term “deliverance” exit plan!!!

    Reply this comment

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