Moonbeamasaurus and giant labor lizards

June 11, 2012

Katy Grimes: Politics in 2012 California feels more like the Mesozoic age. Around every corner is a predator, waiting to pounce in search of its next meal.

Predatory labor lizard unions, public employee unions, politicians, special interest groups, are like the hungry T-Rex, devouring everything in its sight. However, even the T-Rex is now extinct.

Jurassic Fossils

Governor Jerry Brown, reliving his 1970’s terms as governor, is relying on old ideas and stale politics. Brown is a fossil.

But he’s not just any old fossil. If California was Jurassic Park, the governor would be a Pachycephalosaurus, also known as a “thick-headed lizard,” and “dome-headed dinosaur.”

Well known as a head butter, Pachycephalosaurus’ dome head “housed an incredibly thick skull, a tiny brain, and large eyes,” according to DinoDictionary.com. “Its rounded skull was up to 10 inches thick. The thick skull domes of Pachycephalosaurus and related genera gave rise to the theory that pachycephalosaurs used their skulls to fight each other.”

This could be a description of our head-butting governor, save for the tiny brain. Brown’s intellect has never been in question, nor have his survival instincts. However, it can be argued that much of his brain atrophied, after he entered politics. He morphed into a Moonbeamasaurus.

The vegetarian, thick-headed Moonbeamasaurus may appear affable and likable, but has surrounded himself with taxpayer-eating raptors.

Pachycephalosaurs probably evolved from Hypsilophodon, a small, agile, bipedal herbivore, which ate soft plants, fruit, and seeds. Its teeth were small and sharp, like the teeth of most politicians.

Moonbeamasarus probably evolved from the Burnettasaurus, California’s first governor, and also a dome-headed creature.

Famed for the large dome on top of its short skull, the dome was edged with bony knobs and short spikes sticking up from the snout. The spikes were likely blunt, not sharp.

Moonbeamasaurus must also have rounded eyes that face the front, suggesting that the animal had good sight and was capable of binocular vision. This would explain the ability to fend off most attacks from the right.

But there is much concern about California’s future at the hands of Moonbeamasaurus; predatory unions have launched a giant meteor, aimed directly at the California taxpayer.

However, last Tuesday’s election provided evidence that extinction may be held off. The taxpaying masses roared back at Moonbeamasaurus like a angry Duck-Billed Hadrosaur, voted down the tobacco tax, and supported pension reform measures in San Diego and San Jose.

Tax Increase Meteor

But out in space there is a bigger meteor coming–the governor’s own tax initiative bomb. When that explodes in November, the Pachycephalosaurs, Moonbeamasaurus, and all of the giant labor lizards, may go the way of the way of their dinosaur predecessors.

Fortunately, the taxpayer has rediscovered fire, made new weapons, and is fighting Moonbeamasaurus just like Godzilla fought against Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster.

In this case, the three heads are Brown, labor unions, and the Democratically-controlled legislature — lop off one of those heads, and the other two shouldn’t be that difficult to decapitate.

It’s time to send the Moonbeamasaurus and labor lizards back in time forever.