Spare the air; don’t breathe

August 1, 2012

Katy Grimes: As part of the campaign against the automobile, California’s air quality management districts are currently advertising that because of the summer heat, the air quality is bad.

Their answer is ‘don’t drive.’

What a great idea.

In the winter, air quality districts advertise that we can’t use our fireplaces.

What’s next–the beloved barbeque?

Sacramento smog

The Sacramento Metropolitan Air Quality Management District has been running radio ads encouraging area residents to ‘spare the air’ .

“On September 16, 2011, at the direction of the Obama Administration, U.S. EPA announced it would move forward to implement the 2008 National Ambient Air Quality Standard for ground-level ozone of 0.075 parts per million (ppm) averaged over 8-hours. This change significantly strengthened the standard by lowering it from the 1997 8-hour standard of 0.08 ppm,” the Sacramento air district explains on its website.

They almost seem giddy about the more severe restrictions–more restrictions always mean more regulations.”The Sacramento region will remain designated as a ‘severe’ nonattainment area for this new federal 8-hour ozone standard.”

The top 10 spare the air tips from the Sacramento air quality people include:

1. Drive less–“Cars are the major source of air pollution in the Sacramento region.” SMAQMD asks, “Can you get to your destination by walking, biking or public transit? If you leave your car at home one day a week, you prevent 55 pounds of pollution each year from being emitted into our air.”

2. Take public transit–“Take transit and let someone else deal with the traffic. Treat yourself to a stress-free commute,” the air district says. Obviously no one at SMAQMD rides Sacramento’s light rail.

3. Carpool or vanpool to work a few days, or even one day a week–“Share a ride. Whether you’re driving to work, the gym, a baseball game or the park, find a carpool partner.” Get in, sit down and shut up.

4. Sign up for Air Alert — “your free air quality e-mail.” They encourage you to send air alerts to family and friends.

5. Refuel in the evening and never top off–“Putting gas into your vehicle releases Volatile Organic Compounds (VOCs) into the air.”

6. Link your trips–“Cold engines pollute up to five times more than warm ones. Postpone errands on a Spare The Air Day.”

7. Telework–“Why commute at all if you can arrange to work from home? You’ll save commute time and expenses,” SMAQMD suggests. Tell this to the contractors, bus drivers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, fire fighters, cops, shop owners, florists, restauranteurs, and even politicians. Teleworking works best for government employees.

8. Avoid consumer spray products–“These aerosol products include hairspray, furniture polish, cooking sprays, bathroom cleaners, air fresheners, antiperspirants, insecticides, and hobby craft sprays.” And since you’ll be staying home on a spare the air day, you won’t need hairspray.

9. It’s ok to barbecue, but don’t use charcoal lighter fluid–“Use an electric starter or chimney briquette starter instead of charcoal lighter fluid. Better yet, replace your charcoal grill with a propane gas grill.”

10. Do your garden chores gasoline-free–“Avoid gas-powered yard tools such as mowers, blowers, edgers and trimmers — switch to electric-powered tools.” I haven’t seen anyone maintain their own lawn and garden for decades. However, it would be politically incorrect to ask the professional yard maintenance engineers to avoid using power yard tools such as mowers and blowers.

Don’t exhale

The only option we are left with on a spare the air day is to stay indoors with the air conditioning off, don’t cook, don’t use the washer, dryer, dishwasher, oven, stove, or BBQ, don’t work, don’t drive anywhere, don’t do any gardening, and don’t style your hair with an electric hairdryer or use hairspray.

Don’t even exhale lest you emit carbon dioxide. And please don’t break wind. There are dangerous gasses in flatulence, which may explain why professional farters are a profession of the past. I’d be willing to bet that the EPA put them out of business.

Scaring kids

The global warming alarmists are even using scare tactics to scare children into complying.

“Poor air quality can affect your health, as well as your pet’s health,” a spare the air children’s publication states.

Another link from the Sacramento air quality district website for children leads to the federal Environmental Protection Agency’s global warming for children website. “The Earth is getting warmer because people are adding heat-trapping gases to the atmosphere, mainly by burning fossil fuels,” the EPA states. “The Earth’s climate has changed before, but this time is different. People are causing these changes, which are bigger and happening faster than any climate changes that modern society has ever seen before.”

One headline on the EPA kids website read, “Scorching summers… Melting glaciers… Stronger storms… The signs of global climate change are all around us.”

Spare me.